Are You Listening?
Have you ever felt unheard or dismissed? At times, it may seem as if, no matter what you say, your words fall on deaf ears. Whether it’s family, friends, teachers, supervisors, or healthcare professionals, everyone appears to have their own opinions about what is best for you—often without truly listening.
This sense of being ignored can be overwhelming and isolating, triggering the urge to cry out, “ARE YOU LISTENING?” The desire for genuine understanding and acknowledgment is universal, and it’s important to recognize these moments and seek support where you can share your experiences and be truly heard.
UNHEARD
I have always felt unheard and dismissed when it came to doctors, and not just my doctors, but doctors who were caring for my family members as well. Imagine being 15 years old and becoming the caregiver for your father, who is suffering from both kidney and heart disease. His sickness started years before as gout and boils. Imagine being 15 and getting phone calls at all hours of the day and night because your father isn’t feeling good or landed back in the hospital because his chest port for dialysis came out. And as the years passed, he had appointments and procedures or spent countless hours in the emergency room and then in his room once he was admitted to the hospital for one thing or another. Imagine at 18 years old officially becoming the healthcare proxy and having to make medical decisions but not being respected enough to be listened to because the doctors believe they know better. This continued through college. Having to make decisions for my father while he is in the ICU because a procedure went wrong and he suffered yet another stroke or heart attack while still trying to focus on school was one of the hardest things I had to do, but I managed. A lot of decisions that were made, I didn’t agree with, but again, the doctors thought they knew best. They were supposed to at least take my opinions into consideration but chose not to. Now imagine having to decide to pull the plug at 22 years old, because instead of the doctors discussing what was going on with you, what was going on with your father, and making decisions for him. Imagine finding out that your father was sicker than you ever knew after he passed away. Perhaps if I hadn’t been continuously dismissed, things would have turned out differently, but we will never know. This experience made me have a fear of hospitals, which over the years has gotten worse.
UNHEARD AND DISMISSED
I’ve been dismissed by my doctors for as long as I can remember. No matter what I did, it was never enough. I’ve always been told I was morbidly obese, even when I lost weight. When I was in high school, the doctors would tell me that I needed to lose weight. I would do what they told me, letting them know that I was walking every day and going up and down 5 flights of stairs daily, but was told it wasn’t enough. When I was in college, I lived on the 3rd floor of the dorm, which was at the top of a hill. That wasn’t enough either. I even lost almost 100lbs in less than 6 months and was told it wasn’t enough; I needed to lose more. That was a gut punch because I had worked hard, and I felt good about myself, but felt unheard and beaten down.
UNHEARD, DISMISSED, FEARFUL, AND DISHEARTENED
I recently went through pregnancy for the first time, and what was supposed to be a happy and joyous occasion turned into a stressful and upsetting experience out of the gate until I changed doctors. Originally, I had a gentleman doctor who didn’t want me to hear my child’s heartbeat, didn’t want to print any sonogram photos, didn’t feel the need to address any of my concerns, and always waved off any questions I had by telling me everything that I was feeling was normal during pregnancy. I hated feeling dismissed, especially since this was my first pregnancy and it was all new to me. Then I found a doctor who did listen to me; she answered all of my questions, took the time to explain what was going on, printed out sonogram photos, and allowed me to take photos as well as hear my baby’s heartbeat. Pregnancy was a beautiful experience until I got closer to my due date. In the beginning, I was told there was a chance that I had to be induced, but then nothing else was spoken about. I would ask, and it was waved off. Then, at the end of December, all of a sudden, induction was being forced, and there was a consistent push for it; dates were given to choose from, and I was told I had to make a decision. They were not allowing me to get to 40 weeks, but according to the doctors, there was nothing wrong. I will say that before pregnancy, I suffered from high blood pressure, but I kept it under control during pregnancy. I didn’t have pre-eclampsia, I kept my blood pressure down, and my baby girl was doing well. I passed every stress test. The day came when I had to decide when I would be induced. After passing the stress test, I walked across the hall to talk to my doctor to let her know what my decision was. That walk raised my pressure because this was something I didn’t want. I had fears that I had made known, and nothing was quieting them. That day I was admitted to the hospital to be induced because my pressure was high. The questions came fast; “is the baby ok? I thought you said everything was ok. Does this mean I will get cut? I DON’T want to have a c-section.”
“The baby was fine, I had nothing to worry about, I didn’t have pre-eclampsia and I wasn’t getting a c-section.” That was Monday, I was admitted and was only 1cm when checked. Baby girl was comfortable. Induction started, medicine, then balloon and then my water broke Tuesday morning around 8 something. The whole time “everything is fine”. I got to 7 cm Tuesday evening and they offered the epidural; I took it. Now I’m bed ridden but everything is going well. They told my mom she could go home, everything was ok, I still had time. But my epidural kept turning off and the anesthesiologist had to come and redo it twice. They told me on Tuesday night they were giving me magnesium to help with the dilation. We asked if was all right, and they kept telling us everything was fine. Wednesday morning, around 3 or 4 am, everything changed. Now I was only 6 cm and they needed to do a c-section because my pressure was spiking. My epidural had shut off again and I kept calling for a nurse but was getting no response. My worst fear came true I was forced to have a c-section; my first ever surgery. I honestly feel like this was the plan of the doctors from the very beginning and everyone on the L&D floor that night ended up having c-sections. Even though my daughter was born healthy and there were no complications with the c-section I felt betrayed. I still feel betrayed and hurt. I love my doctor but I wish she would have been upfront with me so I could manage my fears and feelings better.
These experiences of being ignored have been overwhelming and isolating, and all I wanted to do was cry out, “ARE YOU LISTENING?” Instead, I stayed quiet, not wanting to cause waves. Now that I have a child, I am finding my voice and I’m fighting back. I’ve always questioned things, but I am no longer allowing anyone to make me feel like my feelings, thoughts, and opinions don’t matter. No one should ever feel dismissed, disheartened, or unheard.